I'm Still Wondering Why, Part III and Happy Birthday!

After all these years, over 15 to be exact, why do I STILL wonder and every so often think about Carol!?! In my heart of hearts, I know why...

Because there is unfinished business and there are questions to be answered.

Enter 2009, enter Facebook.

I NEVER thought I'd join Facebook, much less enjoy it. But I did, and I do. It's been fun typing in the names of friends and seeing that some of them have joined Facebook too. I've enjoyed connecting with friends, old and new, and I find it's an easy way to keep up with them. I've even connected with a cousin that I haven't seen since we were kids so I thank FB for that!

So on a whim, I typed in Carol's name, nothing. Larry's name, nothing. I typed in her son David's name, bingo. David's current picture popped up and I instantly pictured him as that cute little redheaded boy, not the man in the profile picture staring back at me. It made me miss him as a child, miss his mom, and it made me sad that I'd missed out on his and his sister's growing up years. And it made me angry. Angry that Carol had kept her kids away and angry that she had no interest in mine.

I sent David a message asking him to tell his mom "hi" and after a few days I got a message back from him saying hello and that he'd tell his mom hi for me. That was over a month ago.

I haven't had any contact with David since then but Sunday night there was a post and it looks like he got engaged over the weekend. Low and behold, there on Facebook, was his mom and sisters telling him congratulations on video. Yes, after all these years, I saw Carol on video, along with her adorable, grown up twins. The quality of the video was really poor, but Carol's voice is still Carol. It was such a weird feeling to see and hear her after all this time, really weird!

Truthfully, a part of me wanted to leave a message saying, "Hey Carol, I don't know why things got off track, but call me. We've got years and years of catching up to do." But of course I didn't. I've reached out enough and you can't force relationships on people who don't want them. I know that, I've lived that with her already.

So this recent video of my old friend Carol is what sent me down memory lane, triggering these recent posts. In all honesty, I doubt that Carol and I will ever speak again. I'm not counting on it, I'm not praying for it, and I'm certainly not holding my breath...but as its been for the last 15+ years...I'm still just wondering why.

One day soon, I'll write about my friend Sue and the funny story about how we met some 24+ years ago.

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On a lighter note, Happy Happy Birthday to my beautiful daughter Courtney. She turns 21 today! Twenty-one!! Courtney, have a wonderful birthday! I miss you and wish I was there to celebrate with you but I know you've got a busy day planned. Have fun and be safe! I love you Sis!