Remember I mentioned that we met Jennifer and her adorable family that Courtney babysits for? Well Courtney had to work today and Jennifer did something that shocked and shook Courtney up so much that she called me crying tonight. I felt so bad that it made me cry too.
When Jennifer got home this afternoon she told Courtney that she had to talk to her about something. She was so serious that Courtney told her "you're scaring me" as usually everything is so lighthearted. Jennifer proceeded to tell Courtney that she had noticed something under Courtney's nose and wanted to drug test her, insinuating the use of Cocaine! With tears in her eyes, Courtney told her she had just gotten over a cold (the cause of the runny, crusty nose) but that she would take to the test. Courtney told her through her tears, that she had never ever done any drugs and that no one had ever thought that about her before. She told her how upsetting it was at the thought of someone thinking that about her. Courtney told me she was humiliated and very hurt that Jennifer could ever think such a thing. Of course Courtney passed the impromptu drug test that Jennifer pulled out of her purse, but the damage had been done. Courtney was devastated.
Courtney called me crying, upset, and in disbelief that Jennifer, who she cares so much about, could imagine such a thing. Jennifer explained after the test that she didn't think it would be positive but felt she had to do it for two reasons 1) because she is first and foremost a mother and 2) because if it were positive, she would want to help Courtney deal with the situation. Courtney said she truly believed Jennifer was doing it for the right reasons but it didn't make her feel any better about it.
We discussed it in detail and I suggested that Courtney call her and let her know how hurt and betrayed she felt. Not to have a long and drawn out discussion but to just plainly tell Jennifer how hurt she was. I'm so proud of Courtney because she did call her and let her feelings be known. They talked it out, Jennifer apologized, and it's behind them.
Of course a part of me understands Jennifer's intentions but another part of me is upset that she put Courtney through the humiliation. Courtney said she certainly could understand a drug test when she first was interviewed for the job but why now, didn't they know her and trust her after 10 months?
Well, what's done is done and it's water under the bridge as they say. No doubt life can be difficult sometimes! Courtney definitely is learning some life lessons and seeing firsthand what life is like as an adult. The good, the bad, and the ugly!
So what do you think about this situation? I'm interested in hearing your thoughts.
22 comments:
HI!!!
OH my, I am sooo sorry for your daughter, that is terrible, I agree a drug test should be performed on all nannies when first hired, but after working for this family for almost a year,I do not understand and to make her feel so bad. AS a young woman, I would have cried too. I hope this woman really is sorry. It might make working for them awkward now.
Gosh, how sad for you to not be close at hand, at this time. SO glad she called and you could comfort her.
Oh my......I am dumb founded
I will be repeating this to my daughter and ask her opinion.
Hugs to you,
jamie
Did the lady not notice that she had a cold recently. I think she jumped the gun way too fast. She could have waited to see if her nose cleared up. Also, if there wasn't any other signs of drug use why on earth put her through that. If it was me and there was that little trust I would find another position.
I'm going to ask my girls what they think too. I think the timing is odd...I don't know though, some parents are fearful and maybe this mom had recently heard something on the news, or she had a mom friend who had that kind of issue? Her reaction seems extreme and I agree, I'd feel a bit awkward working there now. It wasn't like your daughter was initially told there would be random drug testing...it was done out of a sense of suspicion which is what makes it awkward.
What in the world?
What happen to communication and trust?
Is this what the world is coming to?
Courtney has shown what it is like to be an adult in this situation by talking with Jennifer and letting her know how she feels.
Why didn't Jennifer bring up her feelings?
Courtney is a bigger person in this relationship!
That was an awful situation to be in.
I too, can understand when first hired to be tested....but you would think after 10 months she would know Courtney better than that.
I just don't know if I could continue working for her.
P.S. Talking to Courtney about the thoughts she was having would be one thing, but pulling a drug test from her purse......
What? I agree with the others, that this would have been reasonable in the first few months, but after this amount of time and with the relationship they have built it seems pretty crazy.
Is she one of those really over protective mothers? It makes me wonder if she started dwelling on it and couldn't stop obsessing.
Poor Courtney!!
That's just bizarre! You just met these people your daughter works for and they couldn't determine after that and 10 months service that she's not a drug user. I don't like that at all. Not sure I'd want my daughter working for such suspicious people. I think they were completely out of line and maybe even verging on illegal. Can they do such a thing without more evidence than a runny nose?
Well if you really want to know what I think, I will tell you. I would have told Jennifer to Kiss My Ass, but then again I am 52 years old! And I do understand the circumstances. Poor kid, I hate when they have to learn these painful life lessons! But she does need to learn not to take everything to heart all of the time or she will get hurt a lot!
Love Di ♥
Wow, after reading how wonderful your brunch was with them this is shocking!
Naturally we have age on our side and I too might consider leaving that position. I believe Jennifer jumped the gun, and has forever changed their relationship. I hope Courtney is ok, poor girl.
I have loved all your pictures, but no I have never wanted to live in a desert.
How heart-wrenching. I think it should have been done in the very beginning and certainly if there was any reasonable sign of drug abuse. BUT, I think it could have been done in a more compassionate manner. But that's just me!
I'm a little peeved. Unless Courtney was displaying other behavior that warranted suspicion, then a little "something" under her nose is not enough to be confronted about a drug test. I'm a mom, and I understand the concerns, but I would have had to have more circumstantial evidence to have moved as Jennifer did.
Sorry for Courtney......
Wow. She's in their home with their children, so obviously more closely than just a regular work environment. If there was an issue, you'd think they would have noticed! I mean, I'm sure she probably talks about her friends, school and entertainment with them? Wouldn't that be a clue as to how she lives her life? I mean, I only read your website and I get a clue that she's a great kid surrounded by good people, heading down a great path! I think Courtney did the right thing, but I too feel sorry for the uncomfortable position this put everyone in! Keep you chin up Courtney!
I would have a hard time putting this behind me and resuming my relationship. I think Courtney learned something and "Pats on the Back" to her for calling her and discussing things. Not a lot of people would be able to do that. I hope that Jennifer learned a little something from Courtney too. It is not such a bad idea to check out the people working for you and watching your children, but to accuse someone first was definitely the wrong approach. She did not go about this the right way.
I would think after 10 months that this would not even be a question.
I am sorry that Courtney had to go through this...
I am not sure how I would feel for a little while...very protective I would guess...
and a little bothered.
Maybe the same way you have felt...
Love ya
First of all, I want to thank you SO much for visiting my blog today...come back anytime! I would be very happy to give your daughter lots of pointers on student teaching. Most of my STs tell me that they realize they aren't as prepared as they thought they would be. I am not on-campus personnel but rather a teacher who was in the trenches for over 31 years....so lots of "real world" experience. Seriously, if your daughter would like to email me I would be delighted to share some advice with her or answer questions. Now....as to this post. Part of me can understand Jennifer's side of this, just as you can. A friend of mine has a daughter who was deep into drugs for a few years and it was amazing how this girl could deceive others into thinking she was off the drugs and doing well. BUT...I do think Jennifer may have not through the situation carefully enough and could have handled things in a different way. One incident so small as what happened doesn't seem enough to me for her to accuse Courtney, especially after such a long time of everything going well. You are right to advise her to chalk this up as one of life's lessons. I also think that if Jennifer is genuinely sorry that maybe in time Courtney can forgive and go forward. It's great she has you to talk with about things! Sorry this was sooooo long!
cheripie777@yahoo.com
Poor thing. I would be hurt and offended too. Especially after all this time. It would almost make me want to quit. I don't like someone feeling like they don't trust me when I've given them no reason to. So sorry.
Why would Jennifer have a drug test in her purse?
I think it's a weird situation and I don't blame Courtney for feeling devastated. That's really too bad.
Yes this is bizarre! If her behavior never indicated that she was on drugs, crusty nose or not a drug test seems pretty far out! I am so sorry that Courtney had to go through this. How lucky you are though that you have a relationship with her where she calls you as these things happen.
sadly, i think it is a sign of the times...
i hope you are having a great holiday weekend, linda:)
much love,
dani xxx
Ugh! What a horrible thing. I feel so bad for Courtney. As a mom I could understand if there had been signs of possible drug use, change in personality, kids had said something.But to not realize she was sick & throw that on her for no reason is sad...
But what a strong woman she is becoming to be able to call Jennifer & talk it out & tell her how she felt. To work through the problem instead of keeping it bottled up.
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